“STRANGER THINGS”
By Jesse Lee
Short Play - Drama
7M, 5F
MALES:
GROOM –wearing a tuxedo
MAN
FRIEND –needs 2 outfits
MATCHMAKER– older, wears a suit, needs 2 different clip on ties and two different suit coats (for a quick change)
HANDSOME GUY
GUY #2
GUY #3
FEMALES:
BRIDE –wearing a wedding gown
DATE –older, date to the MATCHMAKER, wears a dress
CUTE WAITRESS
WAITRESS #2
WAITRESS #3
PRODUCTION NOTES: Use very sparse, simple set designs. This aids in extremely quick set changes (as the scenes are short) and leaves more to the imagination of the audience.
SCENE 1 –EMPTY STAGE
BRIDE and GROOM stand motionless on opposite sides of the stage, looking at each other in silence. They smile at each other. After a moment, the GROOM breaks the silence.
GROOM: Hi.
BRIDE: Hi.
SCENE 2 –VERY SIMPLE LIVING ROOM SETUP (COUCH, CHAIR, COFFEE TABLE)
MAN is sitting on the couch, folding clothes from the coffee table into a small suitcase or carry on.
FRIEND: Holy shit, dude! You’re gonna pay 30 grand to do this?
MAN: Yeah.
FRIEND: I can’t believe that! 30 grand! Holy shit that’s a lot of money! Wow! ( pause ) I just think you’re making a mistake.
MAN: I thought you would say that. That’s why I didn’t tell you sooner.
FRIEND: Anyone would say that. It’s a bad idea.
MAN: I disagree.
FRIEND: Dude, as your friend, I’m telling you—this is a bad idea.
MAN: Why?
FRIEND: Ha! Okay, first of all, there’s the 30 grand that you’re out. You could have bought, like, a really nice car for that. Or a down payment on a house, for crying out loud.
MAN: But it’s for something that I’ll have for the rest of my life. 30 grand over a lifetime is nothing.
FRIEND: Which brings me to my second argument right there! It’s your lifetime!
MAN: Yeah.
FRIEND: So who cares how ‘scientifically compatible’ you are? You don’t know that this girl is the one for you.
MAN: You don’t know if Cindy is the girl for you.
FRIEND: She could be.
MAN: But she might not be. You don’t know.
FRIEND: That’s why we’re dating—to find out. ( pause ) And you had to commit to marriage?
MAN: On the spot.
FRIEND: To a stranger you have never met?
MAN: Yes.
FRIEND: Wow! That…completely goes against human nature!
MAN: Well I’m doing it.
FRIEND: It’s like an arranged marriage.
MAN: Oh no. In an arranged marriage you don’t have any say in who you are ultimately paired with. I had a lot. They do a whole profile workup of what physical features you’re attracted to, what personality traits you have and what you like, how you resolve conflicts, everything. Then…they pick someone for you based on all that.
FRIEND: I couldn’t do it.
MAN: It’s not for everyone. But you never know. Maybe you should check it out.
FRIEND: Maybe I should start my own matchmaking agency and charge people 30 grand to set them up.
MAN: They do a lot. And it’s really only like 20. About ten grand of that is for travel expenses.
FRIEND: Oh that’s right. They included honeymoon. So did you choose Spain or did they just pick it for you?
MAN: For part of the profile, you make a list of ten places you would really like to go. They just cross-reference it with your partner’s list. It’s just part of the package. They explain it right there in the brochure.
FRIEND picks up the brochure and looks at the cover.
FRIEND: ‘Eternal Bonds Matchmaking and Travel Agency?’ Who even comes up with this?
SCENE 3 –VERY SIMPLE RESTAURANT SETUP (1 TABLE, 2 CHAIRS, A SMALL BAR OR SEATING PODIUM)
MATCHMAKER and DATE sit at the table. CUTE WAITRESS, WAITRESS #2, and WAITRESS #3 all stand by the bar/seating podium. HANDSOME GUY, GUY#2, and GUY #3 all walk in from the side of the stage opposite the bar/seating podium and cross towards the girls.
WAITRESS #2: Thanks for stopping in guys! How was everything?
HANDSOME GUY: Great! Our check’s on the table.
CUTE WAITRESS: Okay, thanks guys. Have a good night.
HANDSOME GUY: Thanks, Samantha. I hope you have a great night as well.
CUTE WAITRESS: Thank you. See you next time.
HANDSOME GUY: You got it!
The 3 guys all exit past the bar/seating podium.
WAITRESS #2: Nice guys.
WAITRESS #3: The cute one liked you. I bet he left you his number.
WAITRESS #2: Stop it, Deb.
WAITRESS #3: What? She’s not married yet!
WAITRESS #2: Why would you do that?
WAITRESS #3: What? I’m just messing around. She knows that.
WAITRESS #2: Go bus their table.
WAITRESS #3: Fine. I’ll keep his number, then.
WAITRESS #3 exits offstage in the direction that the guys originally entered from. WAITRESS #2 sighs, then looks at CUTE WAITRESS.
WAITRESS #2: What?
CUTE WAITRESS sighs.
CUTE WAITRESS: Ryan thinks I’m making a mistake marrying Colin. He says I shouldn’t do it.
WAITRESS#2: Ryan your ex? He’s just jealous.
CUTE WAITRESS: But what if there’s some truth to it.
WAITRESS#2: What are you saying? That you don’t want to marry Colin?
CUTE WAITRESS: I don’t know. I mean, yes, I do—he’s great and all—but…how do you know if the person you are with is truly ‘the one’ for you?
Matchmaker obviously hears and takes note of her last statement.
SCENE 4 –SIMPLE OFFICE SETUP (DESK, 2 CHAIRS)
MATCHMAKER and FRIEND sit in the two chairs. MATCHMAKER is wearing the second tie and the second suit coat. FRIEND is wearing the second outfit.
MATCHMAKER: And so that’s where the idea was born.
FRIEND: I see. ( pause ) So you just ante up the 30 grand, roll the dice, and see what you end up with, huh?
MATCHMAKER: That’s an overly simplified way to look at it.
FRIEND: That’s how it looks to me. You’re gambling with the rest of your life.
MATCHMAKER: You’re always gambling with the rest of your life anyway. Our company takes that “Gambling Mindset Syndrome”—where people in relationships always wonder, “Is this person the one for me,” out of the picture, which takes that pressure off that can ultimately ruin a potentially wonderful union.
FRIEND: It takes the burden of responsibility off.
MATCHMAKER: ( smiling ) Precisely.
MATCHMAKER holds a manila envelope out toward FRIEND.
MATCHMAKER: Perhaps you would care to try?
FRIEND: No thank you. What happens if you get paired to someone that lied on their profile?
MATCHMAKER: A critical concern, indeed. While we do perform extensive personality testing combined with multiple layers of cross-checking to make sure that we are obtaining accurate results for the profile, ultimately we find that people just don’t lie because they realize that it would only hurt themselves. That’s why we require that level of commitment.
FRIEND: Marriage.
MATCHMAKER: Yes. People who are only dating tend to lie to make themselves seem like a better partner. But it is impossible to live a lie forever, and when it can no longer be held up, the relationship invariably takes a turn for the worse, and depending on the magnitude of the lie, it can even end the relationship. Our commitment to marriage method encourages people to be honest so that they find themselves partnered with someone more compatible with them, which ultimately leads to a more satisfying and rewarding marriage.
FRIEND: I still say this goes against basic human nature.
MATCHMAKER: There have been those that have disagreed with our techniques since day one. But the results speak for themselves. And as for human nature, that’s all a matter of perspective.
FRIEND: It’s not the norm.
MATCHMAKER: Just because something is ‘the norm,’ that makes it human nature? Because our norms now are vastly different—and in some cases, polar opposites—of what our norms were before. Does that mean that human nature itself has changed? One could argue that human nature has nothing to do with marriage at all. It’s simply human nature to love.
FRIEND: And you’ve made a business out of it.
MATCHMAKER: The only two things a relationship needs are a solid foundation to start from…and a spark of interest. What anyone chooses to build up from that foundation is completely up to them. We’ve made a business out of providing that foundation. It’s peace of mind, is what it is. That is the true product that our services provide and that is something that everyone—no matter how different—longs to have.
Pause. MATCHMAKER offers FRIEND the manila envelope again.
MATCHMAKER: Wouldn’t you agree?
FRIEND looks at the envelope, deciding if he should take it.
SCENE 5 –MOSTLY EMPTY STAGE (ONLY A SMALL BENCH)
The BRIDE and GROOM sit on the bench, sipping champagne. The BRIDE is picking confetti off of her dress. GROOM pulls a piece of confetti out of her hair.
GROOM: You’ve got some in your hair.
BRIDE: Thank you. Wow!
GROOM: Yeah, wow!
BRIDE: We’re married.
GROOM: Yep.
Pause.
BRIDE: I gotta tell you, when I was a little girl, I never imagined my wedding being like this.
GROOM: It’s definitely outside the realm of conventional.
BRIDE: Did you ever see yourself doing this?
GROOM: No. But I’ve got to say—I’m feeling glad that I did.
BRIDE: I know. It’s weird, right?
GROOM: Yeah. It’s oddly comfortable.
BRIDE: Considering that yesterday we didn’t know each other and today we’re married!
GROOM: One last toast to the future.
BRIDE: Here’s to figuring everything out as we go!
They clink their glasses together, finish the champagne, then look at each other and hold hands.
GROOM: Well, you ready, Honey? It’s alright if I call you ‘Honey,’ yes?
BRIDE: Whatever you want, Babe! I’m ready!
GROOM: Alrightl! Let’s go. We’ve got a flight to catch!
BRIDE: I’m so excited! I’ve always wanted to visit Argentina.
GROOM: Me too!
BRIDE: And now it’s our honeymoon!
GROOM: It’s great! Buenos Aires, here we come!
THE END.